The Most Beautiful of them All
by StrikerDaisy
Summary: [Snow White Crack!AU drabble thing] Queen Boa Hancock can't stand that Cavendish is more beautiful than her, so she needs to find a way to get rid of him.


A long time ago in a kingdom far, far away, the queen was getting restless. She was known througout the land as the most beautiful woman to ever walk the face of the earth, which is why she was that much more annoyed when her fortune-teller reported the same disappointing news he always did.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's-"

"Would you stop saying that? I'm not a mirror," Hawkins mumbled, pulling a tarot card out of his deck.

The queen, a woman named Boa Hancock, frowned and snapped her fingers, bringing her sisters to her side. "I will not hesitate to throw you out if you keep up this nonsense!"

"Wouldn't be the first time..." he mumbled.

She cleared her throat and started again. "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the most beautiful of them all?"

"I've told you before, it's a man named Cavendish. That hasn't changed, your highness."

The queen's face contorted into a scowl, and she leaned her head back, pointing an accusing finger at Hawkins. "Take him out of my sight!"

"I'm used to it by now," he said with a shrug, before Sandersonia and Marigold escorted him out of the throne room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What am I going to do?" Hancock whined to her advisor Nyon. "I have no business asking prince Luffy for his hand in marriage if I'm not the most beautiful!"

"I'm sure he'd refuse whether you're the most beautiful or not," she mumbled, earning a death glare from the queen.

"I need to get rid of this Cavendish person! Once he's gone, I'll finally be able to propose to the man I love!"

"You've never even met him..."

"What was that?"

"Nothing, Queen..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Queen Hancock searched through the entire kingdom to find the most ruthless, nastiest, and most easily manipulated bounty hunter she could get her hands on. She finally found her match in a green-haired man with razor sharp teeth.

"Bartolomeo, if you bring me the heart of the man called Cavendish, I will allow you to have an audience with the future king!" she declared, looking up at the ceiling again.

"Why'd I want to meet some stupid king?" Barto asked, crossing his arms and leaning back against one of the pillars. "I don't even know who he is."

"His name is Monkey D. Luffy."

Barto immediately teared up and agreed to help.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Nine hundred ninety-nine, one thousand!" Cavendish counted, running a comb through his hair one last time. "Every strand is in place! I'm finally ready to go out and receive the attention of my many fans!"

By going out, he meant buying food at the local market, and by many fans, he meant the people standing in line with him, complaning that he was taking too long.

"Good morning everyone! Your prince has arrived!" he shouted, beginning his daily prance through the city streets. The village people shut their doors and closed their windows so they wouldn't be bothered by the resident narcissist. The only person still out was the bounty hunter Bartolomeo, who could already tell that he didn't like this guy at all.

"Hello lowly citizen! How does it feel to be in the presence of the most beautiful person you'll ever meet?" Cavendish asked, delicately placing his hand over his eyelids and sighing dramatically.

"I feel pretty annoyed," Barto said bluntly, trying to think of something to distract him.

"I can only imagine the sense of euphoria you must be having! It's not every day you have the privilege to talk to someone as perfect as me!"

Barto discreetly grabbed the knife he had stuffed into his pants, since Cavendish seemed to already be distracted with himself. He shuffled closer, raising the knife into the air.

"...with this long, gorgeous hair and bright blue ey-WHAT IS THAT?!" Barto froze, the weapon glistening in the sunlight inches away from Cavendish's neck. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Killing you."

"That much is obvious! "

"You're annoying."

Cavendish stuck out his bottom lip in a pout, batting his eyelashes as a single tear fell down his face. "You wouldn't want to kill someone as beautiful as me, would you?"

Barto flinched. He would be taking an innocent life, after all. And for what, the chance to meet his idol Luffy? The right decision was glaringly obvious, and he was sorry he was having second thoughts. He knew what he had to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well done!" Hancock grinned from ear to ear, taking the bloodied heart out of Barto's silver briefcase.

"Anything for Luf-I mean, you my queen!" Barto said proudly. Hey, it's not like anyone would miss the blond jerk anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BONUS ENDING:

"Thanks for dinner Hammock!" Luffy mumbled, his mouth stuffed with food.

"Anything for you, L-Luffy!" Hancock stammered, grabbing Barto's plate and passing it to Luffy, not that he minded.

"I've always been a fan, Luffy!" Barto cried, tears streaming down his face.

"Hm?" The prince looked up from his food, and making eye contact was all it took to make Barto faint from excitement.

"Now that we've shared dinner, does that make us...engaged? Kya~" Hancock asked, leaning over the table.

"No," Luffy said, stuffing the last piece of meat into his mouth, saying goodbye, and leaving.

"Told you so..." Nyon murmured, but Hancock didn't hear. She was in fantasy land again, already planning which future child of hers and Luffy's would inherit the throne.


End file.
